Jab mai aur o thetor pahonche tab tak tickets sab bik chuki thi aur mere frnz sab film dekhne ke liye under chale gaye the ab kare to kya kare usne b aapne ghar me jhot boldiya tha.Ab kam c kam 4hr o gharnai jaa sakti thi. Tab mere dimaag me idia aaya. Q na usko mere ek aunt ke ghar le chalon. Vaha ustime me koyi b nai the ye mujhe pata tha kahasam c dhosto mujhe tab kuch b galath khayal mere dimaag me nai tha aur na hi preeti ke usse kaha aur ham nikal pade thetor auto liya aur aunt ke yaha pahonche. Vaha jate hi mai padosi c key li aur door open karke under chale gaye aur door lock karliya. Kafi dhop hone ke karan mai ne aap ni t shir utari aur sofe pe fan on karke baitgaya o b mere pasme aake baitgayi.Aur ham idhar udhar ki bate karne chalo kardi oo mere pasme hi baiti hovi thi aur uske hath me re jagaho pe the. Mujhe kuch kuch hone laga. To usko maine aapne pass kichke bithaliya aur uskse hotonko dekhne laga. Aur o lagatar bate kiye jaarahi thi aur usne mujhe uske lips dekhte. I'm.....God Wendy, I just can't". "You can't what John?say it, tell me, tell me what you can't do to me, what you can't giveme, I want to hear you say it, I want to...I need to hear the words"." Please Wendy please please don't make me say it, I can't Wendy, Ican't" I hear my pitiful words in my own head and my self loathingescalates to another level, what sort of husband, what sort of man amI. The answer comes immediately. I'm not. I'm neither. What sort ofhusband tortures his wife with his own shame, his own lies, his ownself delusions to avoid facing up to the truth? What sort of manpromises a woman the physical intimacy, the corporeal closeness, thetangible representation of the love, desire and need for one anotherknowing all the while he is incapable of doing so, worse, knowing thathe does really not want to? "I need to hear the words John.....enough.....no more pretending". I hear her voice, a whisperedalmost sympathetic tone that lands with the force of a wrecking balland.
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